Beyond the Bay

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Beyond the Bay

on distant shore’s agape sand
my vaulted grains of home untie
sing ageless tide’s hushed lullaby

day’s rippled rays of light command
life held before engraves the shore
brief crystal echoes in your hand

susurrus waves spill you and I
on distant shore’s agape sand

C.S. Moon June 2011

The form:

Octain Specifics –

eight lines as two tercets and a couplet, eight syllables per line with the first line repeated (as much as possible) as the last. Meter is iambic or trochaic tetrameter, but fine to just count eight syllables per line for those who prefer that.

Rhyme scheme –

A-b-b
a-c/c-a
b-A

(A = repeated refrain line. c/c refers to line five having midline (internal) rhyme (eg. here/sneer), which is different to the a- and b-rhymes)

Octains are a form of poetry devised by Luke Prater

 

 

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20 Responses to Beyond the Bay

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  3. love to be washed by ocean waves, stunning imagery…

    thanks for sharing…

    do join us and get encouraged by your peer poets.

  4. christine says:

    I have to say it again too, amazing.

  5. brian says:

    ha…nice word play…surrus clouds spill you and i…agape sand…fine bit of verse here…

  6. laurie kolp says:

    Love the form and inner rhyming…

  7. Heaven says:

    Nice form and photo.. agree, great word play here ~

  8. lori says:

    I enjoyed the repeated phrase agape sand. I always admire those who write beautifully in form verse. It’s not easy to do. Just lovely 🙂

  9. susurrus waves spill you and I
    on distant shore’s agape sand

    I felt the lilt of the waves. Living in the mountains of Colorado this made me miss the ocean.

  10. Sheila Moore says:

    christi, these sound like precious memories. agape sand is my favorite part. Thanks for sharing.

  11. poemblaze says:

    the alliteration, the sound throughout, is wonderful.

  12. emma says:

    lovely piece Christi!

  13. Leah says:

    Great and the flow was wonderful. Thank you for the helpful tips a well.

  14. Becky Kilsby says:

    This is a gorgeous octain, Christi… working back to the final refrain is beautifully managed. Time captured. This, my favourite line:

    brief crystal echoes in your hand

  15. Raivenne says:

    I love what you’ve done with this form! Beautifully rendered all around.

  16. Excellent Christi, I love how you capture the moment.
    You can view my experience with the ocean in my gatha:

    Raining Water

  17. Other Mary says:

    Ah, I remember this beautiful octain. Still love it. :o)

  18. Evelyn says:

    “susurrus waves spill you and I”
    lovely, perfect combination

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