Superman (Octain)

 

 

It’s hard to watch her wait for you,
to see the pain that she withstands;
still reaching for your callous hands.

Though you had other things to do,
her lonely years brought many tears;
a father’s love she never knew.

Each broken promise; grief expands.
It’s hard to watch her wait for you.

csmoon 5-11

the form
Octain Specifics –
eight lines as two tercets and a couplet, eight syllables per line with the first line repeated (as much as possible) as the last. Meter is iambic or trochaic tetrameter, but fine to just count eight syllables per line for those who prefer that.

Rhyme scheme –
A-b-b
a-c/c-a
b-A
(A = repeated refrain line. c/c refers to line five having midline (internal) rhyme (eg. here/sneer), which is different to the a- and b-rhymes)

Octains are a form of poetry devised by Luke Prater

recording of \”Superman\”

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33 Responses to Superman (Octain)

  1. Beautiful Octain, my friend. Sad, but lovely.

    • Christi Moon says:

      the inspiration for this is quite sad. In the end, the loss is all his… someday she will understand that.

  2. Emma says:

    *sigh* Christi, I do love this piece very much, it almost brings tears to my eyes each time I read it. I think this form is the perfect avenue because it demands brevity to some degree so you have to pick just the right words to express your idea…and you did! Very powerful.

  3. Luke Prater says:

    Stellar.

    (NB if you are having trouble with the formatting on your blog, ie a gap between each line, paste straight into HTML editor and make sure lines are all spaced as you want them there before going to visual editor)

  4. Beautifully direct… thanks for linking. xxxj

  5. Victoria says:

    I’m so glad you posted an Octain (well-written, too). Reminds me to give it another try.

  6. brian says:

    sad, to see one wait for one she never had…tight octain…

  7. Joseph D. Di Lella says:

    Octaive is . . . amazing.
    As a father, it brings tears to my eyes.
    Thank you, Christi.

  8. Dragon Ka-Tet says:

    🙁 The subject matter is heart-breaking and you do the Octain form very well. I haven’t mustered up the courage to try it yet, but I admire that you’ve already seemed to master it!

    • Christi Moon says:

      I am glad you enjoyed it Dragon, I have written a few of these Octains now. It is a wonderful form, go ahead and give it a try!

  9. Jebbi says:

    Christi, this is lovely, poignant….visual.

  10. Sean Vessey says:

    a sad poem moving toward a tragic end – will he ever understand?

    • Christi Moon says:

      thanks for taking the time to read and comment Sean, I am hoping that someday she will understand that the loss was all his.

  11. hi christi…good to see you at dVerse…and love that you chose the octain – sad content when they wait for superman to appear and he never shows up…esp. girl need their dad so badly… good write

  12. Bodhirose says:

    A beautifully done octain–another poetry form that I’m unfamiliar with! Such a sad commentary though–children being “stood up” by a parent. Their little hearts just break…

  13. Carys says:

    So much sadness in those eight lines Christi, beautifully crafted piece.

  14. Evelyn says:

    very sad, accurate as sheet music.
    hate this feeling.
    great use of the form…

  15. kez says:

    What a bitter, sweet poem …I loved it thank you

  16. Anonymous says:

    I’m a rhyming nut and I love this scheme–but o so sad!

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